That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
