i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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