So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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