I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
