and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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