I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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