you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
