My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
