i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
