New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
