Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
