LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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