lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
