yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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