i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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