You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
