New low: just hacked my moms facebook
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize