you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
