In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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