you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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