I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
As shirtless as possible
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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