Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
