i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
