She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My balls are so social today.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
