I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
