I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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