It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
