I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
