Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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