I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
