I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
