i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
