The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is it because I queefed?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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