You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
