So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize