Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
