she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
