p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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