Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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