It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
