ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
