i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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