well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
