He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
