Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
