u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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