I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
