planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
