wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
