You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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