butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
if you like me you must not know who I am
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
there is puke in my bra ... again
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