dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
