i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize