I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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