apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
