im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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