Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize