i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
