So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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