my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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