with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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