actually, I'm a sock model
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize