I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
