Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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