The brown eye won't let me do that either.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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