You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
