somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
