what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
