New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
