Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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