I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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