Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
