There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
