I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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