There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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