Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
