If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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