brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize