So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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