Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
tell me about the eggs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
