I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
