also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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