I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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