Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
