Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
