You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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