Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
