Fine. I'll sleep in my office
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
