so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
