he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
