Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize