yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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