Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
