I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
